Play One on TV

Didn’t watch the Oscars. Didn’t see Brokeback Mountain. Didn’t see Crash. I am a paragon of disinterest.

However, I did see all the reader comments on Cinematical concerning the Best Picture winner, Crash. Most of the… er, discussion flutters around which movie had the more deserving social message. Conspiracy theories abound, although it’s unclear which media conglomerate is at fault — Conservative Christians, Liberal Hollywood, or the Roger Ebert One-Man Armada.

Oh, and there may be a sentence or two about plot, direction, or acting — you know, those Academy-type things.

“You know, that guy that always plays the weirdo in movies?”

I’m talking about those actors and actresses that make a living playing “bit parts” so well that everyone knows the face, but not the name.

One of the great “you know, that guy” actors, Vincent Schiavelli, died today at the age of 57. Of all of his many quirky and off-beat roles, my favorite will always be “Mr. Kerber the math teacher” from the 1985 comedy Better Off Dead.

Can’t place the name with the face? Check out this obituary from Cinematical. Unless you’ve been an entertainment hermit for the last 30 years, you’re bound to recognize him.

I can hear Saint Peter now… “Oh, hey, it’s you! You’re… you’re that guy! Loved you in that X-Files episode, man!”

The Black Knight scene from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” as recounted by my 12-year old son, Matt.

So, there’s this knight, and he’s really mad at the King and won’t let him pass. So they start fighting with their swords, and it’s like boom and swoosh. You remember what happened next, Dad? His arm goes flying off like whirrrrrr and blood starts squirting out like this (mimes a fountain of blood).

And the knight, he’s like, “Oh, that didn’t hurt. Come here, you loser, and take that” *wham* and then they start fighting again, and soon he’s got them all cut off. And the King goes away, except the knight is going, like, “Dude, come back here and fight like a man!” Remember that part, Dad? Yeah, that was cool.

And then later someone threw a cow at them. And there was a Trojan bunny. That was cool, too.

Now I know how I sound when I try to retell George Carlin jokes.

Have you ever been completely captivated by a really good movie trailer, only to find out that the movie wasn’t worth the ink used to print your paid tickets?

Cinemagical transports us to an alternate universe where audiences were suckered by these trailers for The Shining and Big.

This is making me seriously reconsider the coolness factor of that King Kong trailer I saw last week.