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Thanks to the advances of geriatrics in the 23rd century, senior citizens like Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise continue to enjoy active and productive lives. However, all good things must come to an end, and so eventually must Captain Picard pass into that long, lonely night.

To help his crewmates determine when it’s time to buy the Captain his gold chronometer, the home office on Memory Alpha has compiled this list — the Top Ten Signs that Captain Picard is Going Senile:

10. He begins chasing crewman around the lower decks with a sword.

9. When in Ten-Forward, he grabs Guinan by her hat and tries to throw her around the room like a frisbee.

8. The Enterprise makes it all the way to Aldebaran before he notices the starboard blinker has been on the entire time.

7. He orders LaForge to install Clappers ® on all turbolift doors.

6. During tense battle alerts, his Depends undergarments tend to leak.

5. He keeps leaping from his seat, gesticulating wildly with his hands at the main viewer, shouting “It’s the whale! A great, white whale!”

4. He cannot remember which number to call Commander Riker.

3. He starts to give orders for course changes, but stops before saying “engage” because he can’t make his fingers work correctly.

2. Every time he sees Lieutenant Worf, he leans over and quietly asks Riker, “What the devil is a Klingon doing on my bridge?”

1. He begins shaving his chest so he can be more like Captain Kirk.