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Zookeepers at the Amazon Zoo on the Isle of Wight in Southern England say that Toga, the 3-month old penguin who was stolen from his enclosure last week, may not survive long if not returned to his parents.

From what I remember of penguin physiology, immature penguins get most of their nutrition through ingesting food regurgitated from their parents’ stomachs. Maybe the police should be investigating the local chapter of Bulimics Anonymous.

Matters of nutrition aside, I can see why some misguided, dim individual might have thought this was a good time of year to steal a penguin. After all, it’s the holiday season, with Christmas and New Years formals on every street corner. Slap a bow-tie on Toga and he’ll blend in just fine. The finer parties will be serving caviar, which takes care of the food angle, provided the thief is discreet (well, as discreet as one can be when throwing up in someone else’s mouth).

Of course, this can’t last forever. Even if they manage to hop parties all the way through St. Patrick’s Day, I’m pretty sure the gig will be up once Memorial Day passes and everyone switches to white jackets. My money says that Miss Manners will make the collar.