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Young men who might get excited at the prospect of a “back rank mate” with one of these ladies should be advised that any potential dream date would be capped with… er, a rousing game of chess. These are the Top Ten finalists in the World Chess Beauty Contest, an event sure to enrage feminists and misogynists alike.

I am not intimidated by intelligent women (exhibit one: my lovely wife); however, I am reasonably sure that any date between myself and one of these ladies would never work out. Judging from their high ratings (the chess ratings, you drooling idiot), even the lowest-ranked contestant could wipe me out in ten consecutive speed chess sessions without so much as marring her manicure. To make things worse, the conversation would be a bit stilted, centered as it would be on pawn forks, bishop skewers, and the Ruy Lopez opening. I’d be running for a Bruce Pandolfini book inside of five minutes. A fine evening, indeed.

Still, it’s nice to know that these ladies have a fan base that appreciates them for reasons unrelated to their cleavage. Unfortunately, most of that fan base looks like Bobby Fischer.

On the other end of the scale: the less said about the Miss Klingon Empire Beauty Pageant, the better.