The High Cost of Sleeping
It’s official. After a sleep study, the opinions of no less that three physicians, a bevy of lab tests, and the financial support of my insurance company, I have been identified as a sufferer of sleep apnea.
My wife could have told them that based on my snoring alone.
A “respiratory therapist” is going to call me tomorrow to set up my consultation for the CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) equipment, also known as “Joe finds another use for his home equity line of credit.” Supposedly, I’ll get to pick out the equipment and stiff-arm the inevitable sales pitch for optional equipment (humidifiers, rack-and-pinion steering, Star Trek blinkie lights). Hopefully, this respiratory therapist won’t ask my lungs to lie on the couch and talk about my mother.
Oh, I also get to pick out a mask. I’m hoping for something like this.
It’s been a while since my last major medical procedure, so I have forgotten just how slowly the wheels of modern medicine can turn when an insurance company is in the driver’s seat. I’m just glad this wasn’t for something more serious. For example, if I had been suffering from Alien Chest-Buster syndrome, I’m certain that the Earth would have been overrun long before I received approval for my second opinion.
I should have my CPAP sometime before the next millenium, whereupon I will glady post a picture of me wearing it. You have been warned.
UPDATE: I suppose it could have been worse. I might have had a heart attack. I just hate friends that are always trying to one-up you. 
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I know exactly what you mean, Joe. I have tried both kinds of masks, the one that has the chin strap to hold your mouth closed, and the one that just covers your nose. The one that is supposed to hold your mouth closed to force you to breathe through your nose was very uncomfortable to me, and besides, you can still open your mouth at the corners for very determined mouth-breathers. You might not think so, but you very soon get used to breathing with your mouth closed with the mask that just covers your nose. I use that one myself. If your mouth opens even a little, it usually wakes you up because of the air rushing through your open mouth. Soon, you automatically close your mouth at the first sign of air escaping. No kidding, in about 2 nights, I had absolutely no problems with mouth-breathing, and it made all the difference in the world in the quality of my sleep and rest. I haven’t slept a single night without my CPAP machine in almost a year, and I even take it with me on the rare nights I am away from home. I also got the humidifier with mine because of my dry sinuses. It really helps. Plus, if you don’t want to use the humidifier, for whatever reason, just don’t turn it on, it works without having to take it apart and unhook the humidifier part.
Sorry, I know I sound like a paid product endorser, but I hope maybe some of this helps you make your decisions when you go to your consultation.
It certainly does. Forwarned is forearmed.
(And forearmed is five minutes in the penalty box.)