What I Learned from the A-Team
Anyone here remember The A-Team ? You know — crack team of commandoes, military tribunal sends them to prison for a crime they didn’t commit, mercenaries searching for a cause, shooting guns, flying jeeps, explosions, crazy pilots, zany schemes, Mr. T, and so on.
For the unitiated, The A-Team was one in a string of hit television shows from the 1980’s that sprung from the mind of producer Stephen J. Cannell. The show chronicles the activities of a group of renegade soldiers who made a living by renting themselves out to hopeless causes. The show was violent, capricious, irreverent, maniacal, and had enough testosterone to fill the shoes of every teenage male in America. In short, it was fun! If you have not seen it, get thee to a retro television station and be enlightened.
The A-Team gave new life to the career of veteran actor George Peppard, extended the career of pretty-boy Dirk Benedict, introduced the world to the comedic stylings of Dwight Schultz, and single-handedly both began and ended the career of veteran fool-pitier Mr. T. The show also taught legions of viewers the possibilities inherent in a roll of duct tape, a pile of copper pipe, and two packs of chewing gum (all of this long before MacGyver came along and made a religion of it).
The show also taught me a thing or two about life. Such as:
- Gray hair is cool and sexy when accompanied by a weathered face. My hair is gray, but I’m missing the other half of the formula (but not for long, I fear).
- Watch out for the fellow wearing the baseball cap - if anyone in the crowd is absolutely nuts, it will be the one in the cap.
- It is possible to empty an entire magazine of 9mm or .223 rounds point blank at a group of opponents without actually hitting any of them. Despite this, they will usually surrender.
- Behind every road obstacle is a ramp or other object suitable for catapulting an oncoming vehicle into the air. A direct hit from a bazooka will also accomplish the same feat.
- You must always describe a group of commandoes as “a crack team of commandoes.” Whenever you see the commando want ads, they always want a “crack” team. If you advertise yourself as a “mediocre but usually effective team of commandoes” nobody will hire you.
- Gravity works.
- One can easily subdue a large, muscular, mohawked and gold-chained black man using a variety of sneaky and surreptitious ways in order to drag him aboard an aircraft. When he wakes up, he will inexplicably decline to beat the crap out of you.
- It is ridiculously easy to break out of a mental hospital.
- In the 1980’s, nobody wore seat belts, especially when engaged in high-speed chases across rough terrain. This in no way endangered the occupants of said vehicles.
- If I ever become a bad guy, I need to make sure that all of the vehicles in my motor pool possess roll bars.
- If you want to imprison a crack team of commandoes, do not lock them in the tool shed.
- If you carry around a pungent cigars with you at all times, you can easily blend into almost any situation.
- A successful mercenary squad must change out the token girl member once per year.
- If you are a military fugitive, the best way to avoid capture is to drive the same distinctive van from city to city in broad daylight and on well-traveled streets. To maximize this effect, one should always exceed the speed limit and squeal the tires at intersections and turns.
- If you need to hire a crack team of commandoes but are short on funds, sway them with a suitable group of helpless, pitiable people (starving children, Latvian immigrants, small business owners, nuns, etc.)
- Anything worth doing is worth doing twice, mainly because you will always screw up the first time.
- When faced with the difficulties of life, always have a plan. And lots of illegal firearms.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Ah, the A-Team. One of my favorites. I should build a shrine to it. I should check out godaddy and see if ipitythefool.com is taken.
One thing the show taught me is it helps to have a souped up, full sized, GMC van that seems to be able to outmaneuver anything else on the road, whether it be police car, sports car, etc. Jeff Gordon should be driving one of those, though Pepsi Blue would slightly take away from the mohawk/chain wearing tough guy image.
Speaking of A-Team dotcom sites, I did type in the-a-team.com in my browser just out of curiousity. What did I get? A law firm specializing in medical malpractice lawsuits. “I pity the fool who gave me that vasectomy.”
Thousands of shots fired but no one ever got killed, amazing. Of course in most movies, the main characters can hit and kill anyone from anywhere UNTIL it comes down to the two main characters against each other - then they miss at point blank range.
BTW, why did the Bo & Luke Duke drive around with dyamite on their arrows?
In rural Arkansas in the 80’s, we got 4 channels and one of those was PBS, so that narrowed down your viewing choices. I loved A-Team. Remember their nicknames on the show? Dirk B. was “Faceman”, George P. was “Hannibal”, Dwight Schulz was “Howlin’ Mad Murdoch”, and Mr. T was “B. A. Barachus”. (B. A. stood for Bad Attitude.) I don’t recall what day and time they came on, but I knew my evening was booked on A-Team night.
In the Useless Trivia category: My daughter graduates in May and will go to Arkansas State University in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Yes, I’m going somewhere with this, be patient, LOL. Their cheerleading squad is called the A-Team.
Re: Bo and Luke Duke—Their dynamite-tipped arrows would only explode when launched at their foes, silly, not in their fish-tailing, swerving, hill-topping, drive-off-a-cliff-and-land-like-a-ton-of-bricks car. Duh!!
I have seen maybe ten or so episodes of “A-Team” and about as many episodes of “Daisy Duke’s Butt Show”. Actually it just never was my cup of tea. I am glad that Oklahoma’s finest weather man got his start as Rosco P. Coletrain (his new name is Gary England)and is every bit as clever Rosco was (chingchingching).
I’ve actually seen Gary England on shows about the Oklahoma City and Moore tornadoes.
My hubby was a fan of Dukes, and he was watching a “Where Are They Now” type show about it recently. James Best, aka “Roscoe”, is married to a female (for lack of any other word that might imply intelligence or other redeeming qualities she did not appear to possess) approximately 25 years old to his 70+. The alarming part of the interview was that he was looking for work again. Ba-dump-ump, ching.
It never ceases to amaze me that television stars with a high school education are seen as role models, political experts, social activists, and hot ‘n sexy at ages upwards of 70 years old.
Hell, meet handbasket.
Yeah…….What you said.
Not quite sure how, but I seem to have missed “The A-Team” in the 80s…I was aware of it, but never watched it. I must correct that deficiency of my teen years.