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BERKELEY (AP) —The casual use of marijuana can cause memory loss and other cognitive problems related to memory, said researchers on Tuesday.

“People who smoke marijuana as little as one or two times per week can show marked signs of memory loss, attention span, and memory loss when used as little as one or two times space of one week,” said Dr. Justin Grindley, head fellow of the Benevolent Marijuana Institute in Berkeley, California.

“In addition, attention span can suffer to the point that the user often forgets what he or she was…uh….” added Grindley.

This startling evidence flies in the face of previous studies that found only regular and sustained use over time can impact brain functions in a measurable way, he said.

Researchers arrived at their conclusions following several months of exhaustive study that began in July 2004, December 2004, March 2005, and again in October 2005. It was only after the results of the first two studies were found again during a “doobage search” that researchers remembered their previous experiments and managed to correlate their findings across all four research attempts.

“Once we found the earlier documents and read what we had written with our own two hands, we were amazed,” said Grindley. “The results were obvious once we cross-referenced the data. Fortunately, whoever did this research used the same handwriting style as my own, so it was easy for me to comprehend the details.”

Dr. Gina Munson, assistant researcher at the BMI, added, “Dude, don’t bogart that.” This was in reference to the joint that Dr. Grindley was smoking during the interview.

“Man, I think I remember reading something about these things causing memory loss,” said Grindley as he examined the joint.

“We should look into that,” agreed Munson.

Grindley stated that the BMI would soon be launching an expanded study of marijuana use to determine “whether or not there’s any truth to the idea that marijuana use can lead to memory loss.”

IN TOMORROW’S COLUMN: Scientists discover that marijuana use can lead to memory loss and a decreased attenti… um… have to remember to finish this before turning it in to the editor…

Editor’s note: This idea stolen from a running gag at Okiedoke. I think.