Top Ten Answering Machine Messages from the Star Trek Crew
From the home office on Memory Alpha comes the Top Ten Answering Machine Messages from the Star Trek crew. *beep*
10. Commander Data: “If you will enunciate clearly into the speaking apparatus, the soundwave storage mechanism will acquire your signal for replication at the sounding of the 308 hertz tonal signal. I will endeavor to convey a reciprocating verbal composition at my earliest convenience.”
9. Captain Kirk: “If you are a blonde, press 1; brunette, press 2; if you are a female of a superior species, press 3; if you have green skin or two heads, press the star key to be connected directly to my personal secretary.”
8. Doctor McCoy: “Damn it, I’m a doctor, not a messenger service!”
7. Worf: “True warriors do not leave messages, but call back later. For it is a good day to dial.”
6. Kahn Noonian Singh: “From hell’s heart I stab at thee. With my last breath, I spit at thee. With my next call, I shall answer thee.”
5. Doctor Phlox: “Amazing! Why, it’s a primitive communications recording device - how very quaint! I’ve seen these described in old human literary texts. This device bears a striking resemblance to the Gorashnian Pinbarb Slugs on Merak Three - I think I have a picture of them in here somewhere… ah, here they are. You see, they have a remarkable ability to record the spoken word, and unlike the human devices with their one minute time limit, Pinbarb Slugs ca…”
4. The Holographic Doctor: “Please state the nature of the telephone emergency.”
3. Seven of Nine: “Being at home is irrelevant. Calling back is futile. Your message will be assimilated. We will add its distinctiveness and content to our own.”
2. Captain Archer: “Uh, hello? Hello? (blows on microphone) Is this thing on? Hello? Um… hey, Trip, is this thing working or not? Hello? Hello? Darn it, I see the little light blinking, but how do I tell if it’s recor…”
1. Ensign Rodriguez from Security: “Hi, I’ve been assigned to my first ever landing party, so I can’t come to the phone right now. Leave a message and… oh my God, what is that thing? Stay back! Stay back, or I’ll… Aaaauugh!!! (sound of phaser fire and bones crunching)”
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11. Captain Picard:
“This is Jean Luc Picard
the captain who’s bald.
It’s really a bad time,
to see that you’ve called.
TV Guide called me sexy,
and that much is true.
Sexier than Riker,
and that big nuisance, Q.
So right now I’m busy
promoting (wink wink) Lt. Ro,
so if you must leave a message,
you know the rest. MAKE IT SO!
Okay….a little cheesy, but it is the best I could come up with.
12. Trip:
“Hey there. Uh, this here is Trip, an all ya gotta do is talk. This here machine will git ‘er done fer ya. An as soon as the Capn gits done givin me all them things ta do I’ll git back atcha.
Mike, you’re a poet and don’t know it.
Lt. Ro:
“Captain Picard is giving me a ‘promotion’. It won’t take more than a few minutes - (yawn) - I’ll call you right back.”
Big Unit, I can see it now. Picard: “Ro, I don’t understand. This has never happened to me before. I swear it was caused by a spatial anomoly in the space/time continuum.”
:)lol