Trombone Lessons
Yesterday, I took my son to a trombone clinic held at the University of Oklahoma School of Music.* He joined about 40 other players, in ages ranging from 11 to 18, to learn more about the art of playing the trombone, euphonium, and tuba. It was quite instructional — I meant for me, not my son. Among the things I learned:
- Trombonists were calling their sound “fat” long before rap music appropriated the word (if not the spelling).
- With the right chord, twenty trombones can scare the hell out of you.
- Listening to professional trombonists discussing their instruments is like listening to car buffs at the auto show. I looked for, but could not find, a window sticker of a little boy peeing on a Yamaha logo.
- At the dealer exhibition, my son went straight to the $8,000 bass trombone and picked it up. Starbucks only wishes it could make my heart skip that many beats.
- With the right chord, eight tubas can kill.
- The three-second rule does not apply to food dropped in the band room. Two words: spit valves.
- Don’t have a heart attack at the OU School of Music. Yelling “is there a doctor in the house?” will immediately fill the room, but not one of them will have a clue how to administer CPR. Worse, the baroque specialists might try to administer CPE, and nobody wants to die from a fugue.
- Listening to three collegiate trombone choirs will convince you that every other instrument is ridiculously unnecessary. Throw in four trombone quartets and a classical audition and you’ll fervently believe that Jimi Hendrix should have been handed a bone at age five instead of an axe.
- In Dvořák’s New World Symphony, the tuba part has only five bars. This possibly makes tuba players the highest-paid members of the orchestra when computed on a per-note basis.
- Trombone players really love to play their instruments. They don’t call it “playing” for nothing.
*All kidding aside, if you have a budding trombone player, and you’re within driving distance of Norman, OK, this is a must-attend event. It’s held every year on the last Saturday in February. Drop me an email and I’ll let you know when the next one is announced.
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So did someone really have a heart attack?
I almost had one when the OSU Trombone Choir hit their first C major seventh.
I played the trombone from 6th to 11th grade. I wasn’t very good; of course, I never practiced….
You know, I was a French horn performance major at OU and this brought backa lot of memories. I’ve played in a lot of orchestras, so I feel qualified to say that the brass players are far and away the most fun of all musicians. (It is probably due to all that time we spend waiting for our few notes). Trombonists are the most fun of all the brass players. Usually they are smart alecks, but that’s what makes ‘em fun, right?
UCO has a great (GREAT) jazz program and it is a wonderful place for trombonists. You should check out their schedule, too. Kent Kidwell is a great teacher!
You indulged a pre-teen with a brass instrument?!? That should give you a heart attack.
Fred - hey, the kid’s gotta stand tall. Glenn Miller was the only man that could ever hold a clarinet and still look masculine.
Jan - I met Dr. Kidwell at the trombone clinic. He’s a character with a capital C. Um, with this being the trombone, maybe I should substitute “with a capital Bb.”
The hitting “the right chord” line brought back a distant memory. With me playing the violin for several years, I’m sure you had to endure many a (ahem) concert on my behalf. Remember the bright idea someone had of having a bass duet? It sounded like dueling stomach ailments.
From inside the elephant, no less.