Top Ten Regrets Held Over from the 70’s
I had the extreme misfortune to grow up in the 70’s, which means I have neither the social consciousness of the 60’s nor the sustaining self-interest of the 80’s. I also missed out on the drugs (on either side).
Despite this lack of cultural opportunity, I still managed to miss a few chances to cut loose, have fun, and become a corporate raider. On those rare occasions when I entertain the “wish I could do it over again” fantasy, I ruminate over these Top Ten Regrets Held Over from the 70’s:
10. Never got ruffles with my rental tuxedo.
9. Should have given into the urge to change my name to “Daryl Dragon” (of Captain and Tennille fame). Sure, their music was banal, but with a name like Daryl Dragon, why would I care?
8. Less Star Trek, more Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
7. Should have gone to a rock concert. Any rock concert. It would have saved me from the later embarassment of admitting that my first ever rock concert was… er… a Sheena Easton concert. Yeah, I know, it’s sad…
6. Never had a Pet Rock. Lots of rocks, yes, but none of them did cute pet-type things like coming when called, rolling over, sitting up to beg, crapping pebbles all over the floor, etc.
5. Shouldn’t have eaten that extra donut. Or that one. Or that one. Oh, and that one, too. And that one. And that one…
4. Never shaved my chest to look more like Captain Kirk.
3. A childhood friend once hit me with a baseball bat, and later apologized. He grew up to be a convicted murderer. I should have hit him back.
2. Passed up that opportunity to get a Dorothy Hamill haircut.
1. Wish I would have used my Mister Microphone to tell that hot lady, “Hey, baby, we’ll be back to pick you up later!”
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Ah. I had the Dorothy Hammill haircut when I was 6. You didn’t miss much. I’m sure it would have looked much better on you, though.
I had a pet rock!!! I got it at the State Fair of Oklahoma, it had little red hearts painted all over it, it was shellack….covered with shellac….and it came in a little crate.
I also had a Dorothy Hamill cut and wore Love’s Baby Soft perfume and Bonne Bell Lipsmackers (green apple).
I must commend you for not having the ruffled tux. Double points if you never wore a baby blue suit or tux.
Did you have one of those big combs that you carried around in your back pocket????
*gasp* How DARE you blaspheme The Captain & Tenille! Have you ever actually LISTENED to “Muskrat Love?”
Defending the Captain and Tennille on the basis of “Muskrat Love” is like claiming that cannibals are “people persons”.
Joe, I remember you went to high school with girls who would EAT Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers. Who needs drugs?