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Much of the recent sports news has been given over to the figure skating controversy from the 2002 Winter Olympics. To prevent a similar occurance at the 2006 Olympics, officials have overhauled the performance criteria and judging system.

Our home office in Turin, Italy did a little snooping about and managed to unearth some details. For the edification of the NBC viewing audience, we present: Top Ten Changes in Olympic Figure Skating.

10. Former US president Jimmy Carter will lead a team of UN observers to monitor the balloting process.

9. New tie-breaker phase: Barrel Jumping.

8. Commentator Scott Hamilton will lose a finger every time he uses the words elegant or flawless.

7. Failure to complete all required elements will result in a “little dressing room visit” from Shane Stant, former bodyguard for Tonya Harding.

6. Bonus points will be awarded for “doing what Brian Boitano would do.”

5. An artitifical backbone will be strapped to the back of the French judge’s chair.

4. Drunk Olympic biathletes will shoot at the competitor’s feet, shouting, “Dance! I said dance, hombre!”

3. Mrs. Melba Pratt, 2nd-grade teacher from Huchison, Kansas, will intercept any notes that the judges attempt to pass between them, especially “that sneaky Russian judge. I have my eye on you, mister!”

2. Female competitors will be ranked on whether or not they “skated way better” than that girl from Ice Castles.

1. New skating move: the Triple Axle Rose.