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I’m tired. I’m pooped. I’m worn out, folks. If I were any more tired I’d have treads.

Item: I worked 11 hours today. It was supposed to be eight, but an emergency program test, an urgent request from information from two company executives, and some wrestling with the arcane language of SQL managed to keep me in the office until after dark. I’m a salaried employee, which means I had better be satisfied with a job well done, and nothing else.

Item: The electric company trimmed the trees in my backyard, and they did a really nice job. They also did a not-so-nice job of leaving my back gate ajar. Fortunately, I noticed it before my dog (the Eater of Nissans) escaped to make short work of my city’s vicious animals ordinance. I wrote a nasty email to the electric company, who will most likely retaliate by misreading my meter next month. At least I can be satisfied that my letter will probably send them to the dictionary at least once, if not twice.

Item: My son is having serious problems with his math schoolwork. I spent two hours tutoring him on solving equations. Most of the conversations went like this:

“I don’t know this.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. See this?”
“Oh. Yes, I guess I do. But I don’t know this next thing.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, I don’t.”
Rinse and repeat.

Item: I just finished the recharter paperwork for my Boy Scout troop. Our local council has spent a good amount of money and time to create a beautiful online chartering process. It eliminates most of the paperwork and virtually all of the hassle. My only suggestion for improvement: remove about five hundred thousand of the “Are You Sure?” dialog boxes! I’m sure, okay? I’m very, very, very sure. I’m so freakin’ sure that I could be mistaken for an underarm deodorant. Get the picture?

Item: My computer monitor is dying. Contrast and brightness are pegged at the top, and I’m still squinting to see anything that isn’t colored bright yellow. Fortunately, this means I don’t have to look at all the Cindy Sheehan photos that are popping all over the internet like mushrooms. Really loud anti-war mushrooms.

Item: Despite the fact that I’m dead tired at 10:40 pm, I can’t bring myself to shuffle off to bed until I’ve written something for you, my dear readers. All seven of you. If that’s not a cry for a Richard Simmons intervention, I don’t know what is.

Okay, I just evoked Richard Simmons. Definitely time to go to bed.