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So exactly how long is a shower scrunchie supposed to last? Seems I can only get about four good weeks out of one of these things before it starts to unravel.

I’m talking about those mesh poufs you find in the women’s section of the health and beauty departments. They’re sometimes called “beauty scrubbers” although you won’t catch me using the term without quotation marks. I asked a male friend about this problem, but I didn’t get any answer from him (he was too busy staring at me like I just declared my undying lust for the Pope).

Hey, I like to use shower scrunchies. Sue me. I like the clean feeling I get after using it. I believe the genteel term for this process is “exfoliating,” but I’m more inclined to call it “exhuming” where I’m concerned. I have tried going back to washcloths, and I can’t do it — I just don’t feel clean unless I’m free of the skin I was wearing yesterday.

My wife is not a good reference point for normal scrunchie wear-and-tear. She doesn’t use hers every day, and she hates it when I accidentally use hers. So, is four weeks a normal lifespan for one of these things? Will I forever be a slave to the plastic mesh cartel? Is there an industrial-strength scrunchie waiting for me at the local Dillards?